do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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