i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.