It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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