I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
