Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
