need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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