there's paper in my vomit.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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