The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
