Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
