so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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