Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.