We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.