My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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