I think I just saw someone hide a body.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Fuck appropriateness.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
