I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Randomize
