you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
