What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
