So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
