What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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