I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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