Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
