I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
