Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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