Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
