I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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