Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
not ubering you a puppy
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
