I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
