what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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