Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
