Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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