if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it because I queefed?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
