he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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