It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
