so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
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This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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