I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
