tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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