My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
