And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
