I think scott just propositioned me for sex
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
