we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
