smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
