shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.