i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK