I want to walk on stilts...naked
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
