He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
