You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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