I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
