I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Your cock deserves a montage
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
