Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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