maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
