i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
