How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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