How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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