I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
