I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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