I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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