you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
