They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
