i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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