saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
someone owes me an orgasm
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
