I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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