btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
