on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
