how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize