Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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