Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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