I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
